The secret to a long lasting marriage

I’ve learned the hard way that the death and cancer for any relationship, be it romantic, professional or otherwise, is resentment. It’s often something that arises quietly and without you noticing it … until it’s too late.

It seems we struggle with being honest about the expectations we have with each other. We’d rather stay quiet about them and just assume that our assumptions have been clearly outlined and understood by the other party. Take the relationship between a husband and wife. Or any such partnership where mutual cooperation and benefit is prescribed. Clearly, person A will have duties to perform for person B and vice versa. But when one of the parties fails to meet their expected responsibility to the other, resentment will gradually start to build and the relationship start to decay.

It’s like the difference between being used vs being abused. If both members of a relationship use each other equally and in a manner they each want to be utilized, then this means a healthy balance is being maintained. If one gains from the other but gives little or insufficient in return, then the giver will, in time, feel like they are being abused or taken advantage of. And this is precisely when resentment starts to build and grow.

The word “use” might sound a bit cold and mechanical, but see, the way I see it, all relationships between humans are fundamentally like the relationships between chemical compounds or elements on the periodic table. When a certain pair come together, a reaction is produced that makes the end result greater than the sum of the parts. Likewise, when the right people come together and form a bond, be it friendship, a business parternhsip or a loving spousal relationship, then, their union will react with one another to produce something new and hopefully far better and more far reaching than they ever could on their own. Sometimes the reaction can be the opposite and create a very destructive reaction and other times there may be no reaction at all and the elements never bond and just remain seated beside each other with compatibility being absolutely absent. Obviously, it would be preferable to have a reaction and a positive one.

This is why before entering into any relationship with another human being, you must know yourself and know what you bring to the table. But equally important to knowing yourself is to know what you need in a partner. When both people know this about themselves they will be able to find each other like two perfectly matching puzzle pieces and create a picture together that’s worth far more than a thousand words.

To a great extent, similitude is a requirement when finding a partner but equally important is a set of complimentary strengths and callings.

“Finding your calling” now there’s a phrase you’re probably tired of hearing. But that’s only because nobody has ever told you what it means to find your calling. It has nothing to do with becoming a millionaire. But it has everything to do with exerting yourself in the manner that could produce the greatest possible output with the minimum amount of stress on your part. I go into this further in my post tiled your life’s purpose.

But finding a calling also applies to the couple or to any relationship between people. “They” as a unit, can also have a calling. Let’s take food as an example. One ideal match between a spousal partnership is for one to like to be cooked for and for the other to like to cook for others. This is how they differ in complimentary ways. But this is not enough. There must also be a similitude. And in this instance, diet would be the way in which they’d have to experience sameness in order to be compatible with each other. If the person that likes to cook is a vegetarian, then the person being cooked for must also be a vegetarian. The more ways in which you are complimentary in skill or calling, but similar in desired result, the better and more long lasting your bond will be with your partner. I will eventually write a list of other examples and ways in which pairs should compliment each other, so stay tuned for that.

The “whole” produced by your union must always be greater than the sum of the “parts”. The greater and more positive the reaction that comes from your union, the more eternal will your union be. In brief, find the right balance of similitude and synergy in someone else and they are likely to be a great and long lasting partner.

Written by © 2017


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