Into hedonism and back

For a time, i ventured off into what some might call a hedonistic lifestyle. Some might even think that what i did was me venturing into the “dark side.” Or exploring the forbidden. My reasons for doing this were varied, some noble and some purely out of curiosity. I learned quite a bit, about different worlds than my own and about the worlds within me that i had not explored.

There was something comforting about dancing with the shadows. Their embrace was soothing like no one elses. Because it was only in their company, that all those things i felt guilty or insecure about would vanish. All my sins would wash away when bathing in the sins of others. I was suddenly a saint and not a sinner. Such was the intoxicated feeling that came from dancing with the devil. But it was only an illusion. And a very dangerous one. I could feel, that over time, the shadows would begin to overtake me and i could sense that, in time, i’d become a shadow just like them.

I thought i could help. I thought i could immerse myself in darkness and bring people out into the light but the temptations were too great. Suddenly what i once thought was wrong became what was “right” and i would soon be fully overtaken.  But something unexpected happened. In the midst of becoming lost and engulfed in the black tar, i fell in love. The love was so strong it wiped us both clean and together we pulled ourselves out of the mire.

We’re in each other’s embrace now and in each other’s care. We have a place to call home and together we make a family. We are our tribe now and this tribe is safe. It’s sacred and will be our foundation and our fortress for wellbeing. We have both remembered the things we learned but also feel the echoes of our past calling us back on occasion. They are distant enough to cause us no harm and should we venture back, it will be together and in the form of healthy curiosity like a traveler that visits different cultures but never forgets where to return each night and call home.

My advice to you and anyone seeking to venture off into the shadows is to find your tribe of light first, and only then venture into the darkness. If you have no healthy place to call home, you will get lost and become consumed by your curiosities and sensual appetites. Find your tribe of light. Be with light and only then can you visit the dark. But if darkness becomes your home, it will take a miracle for you to ever see the light again.

Written by © 2017



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